Tuesday, August 21, 2007
the set up. . .
I realize I've set myself up with this talk of 'truth'. . . .
I feel obligated to tell it, now, having talked about 'croakings of a truthful nature'. This, even though there's no relational accountability - not yet, anyway.
I find this interesting. Even though no one knows who I am, I feel an obligation to tell the truth. ESPECIALLY since I SAID I was going to tell the truth. . . . What's THAT about? (I'll leave for another time ramblings about how anonymity affects relationship.)
A writer I like has been writing about a difficult relationship that seems to me to BE difficult because the two in the relationship have strayed into what I've been calling the 'unenforceable' in some of my writing and thinking. It's the area of the free gift - freely chosen; freely given. The moment you either expect it or demand it, it vanishes like one of the 'little people'. Giggling on its way. Maddening and sobering in the sudden absence of its magical presence. But you will search for it in vain. The only thing you can do is accept it when it is given. And it is never just offered. . . . It's always given, even if it is not accepted.
Yes. In a way, it's like truth. Truth is given - not imposed. The moment you interrogate it, cross-examine it, demand it or take it for granted (in the sense of 'expecting' it) it can flee - slip just out of your grasp, right between your fingers. You can't hold on to it or mold it, but you CAN always accept it when it offers itself.
That's the lesson here, I think: always to have open hands for the truth; always to have open hands for the 'unenforceable' free gift. Because the minute you stop accepting, so often you also stop giving, yourself. And when you're not giving, the inexorable law is still that you get what you give - so, "nothing", in that case. But neither is it cause and effect, here! You can't 'give to get'. Motivation counts, and you don't always 'get back' from the one you gave to. Add 'time' to the equation and you can see that we can't work the sum.
Why bother, then?
It's the 'set up', isn't it? I've tasted now of truth and the free gift. I can't live without it. But I can't enforce it. All I can do is give it. And then accept it - wherever it is offered.
Here's the truth for me, today: as fun as this is, I have work to do. Work that I've put off by all the known writing-avoidance techniques I've ever known or read about (and don't send me any more, please! grin. . . . ). But here's the truth for me, today:
"If you don't write, it won't get written."
Thank you. I'll take that.
Gotta go! (gotta write. . . .)